Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
