1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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