Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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