You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize