Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
