Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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