No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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