First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
