I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
