i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
