seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
