his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
