I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
