Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
