You work out of a Hotel?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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