hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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