just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
