he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
