I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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