I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
