his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
