direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
COCAINE IS GR8
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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