I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
