Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
