I wannas sexs uuuuu
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
