She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
