i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
