HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
