Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just want nice things and good sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
