Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
