So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Im part way to drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
