he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sarcasm needs its own font
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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