You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
