the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
