Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize