I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
