Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
