The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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