Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
