Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
