I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
