I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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