just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
