I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
