Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
