Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
