Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize