she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
