worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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