I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
