Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
