thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
