I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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