Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
