Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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