Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
this hospital has no fireball
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
