the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
