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• (917): View more from New York City

  Um, that's called prostitution

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.

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• (661): View more from California

  I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is my life. Enjoy the view

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed

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