$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
