They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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