I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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