You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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