I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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