I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
