Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
