After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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